Tag: God

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Biggest Lesson of 2025

By far, one of the hardest years of my life. I remember having such high hopes and anticipation of what I thought it would be, and my plans were absolutely crushed. I dealt with the heartbreak of not getting what I thought I wanted.

Looking back, I could see that I was in a hidden season.

Working hard toward my goals, pushing through disappointment after disappointment, not giving up in the midst of difficulties, and still giving grace though I felt as though I was not getting any.

What happens when you are putting in the work? You give your time and resources. There’s many late nights. You push through the tears and pain. You are fighting to finish.  And you still don’t see any results or feel seen? 

I remember crying out to God in a moment of frustration and hopelessness. I told Him: “I put so much time and care into this and I feel like no matter how hard I try, there is nothing to show for. I go two steps forward only to go back five.” (But based on who’s standard?- I ask myself now)

In a nut shell. I felt like that for most of 2025, specifically the first half of it. 

Going back to when I said I realized I was in a hidden season. Well what does that mean? 

Being hidden can be defined as feeling unseen, overlooked, or undervalued: all of which I felt deeply.

You could feel hidden in your career, in your relationships, or in any aspect of your life. 

You are not getting the recognition or value that you feel you deserve or very strongly desire- and it’s usually from PEOPLE.

It might even feel like your mistakes/wrongs are amplified in the form of constant criticism and pressure. And yet your contributions/wins are ignored or not acknowledged.

The biggest voice you hear is “ I AM NOT ENOUGH.” (But again, based on who’s standard?)

One day in my kitchen, a message was playing from a pastor that I watch regularly, and he spoke the exact message I needed to hear, and I believed it was God speaking to me.

His sermon was based on the topic of identity. 

Sometimes we equate significance/value to people’s approval. Approval comes in different forms: verbal praise, applause, shout-outs, promotions, or just merely getting attention, to name a few.

This is a very dangerous place to be, because as human beings, we will fail, and will not always, “be on top.” Also, we will not always get the acknowledgement we sometimes so desperately crave.

This is what the pastor said:

“True identity is working onto the Lord.”

Whatsoever you do, do it heartily as unto the Lord and not unto men: Colossians 3:23-34

Living life from my true identity- in Christ, is not motivated in gaining approval from people.

When you live from your true identity in Christ you will bring peace, wisdom, and creativity to others. You also will not be stressed or striving.

Striving = relentless, anxious pursuit of goals, perfection, or external validation

You are complete in Christ, lacking nothing.

On Earth, we do work under people, as we have bosses, however, we are not working FOR them. That is NOT why we are on this Earth. We are doing God’s work for His kingdom and purpose. We are working unto Him. Whenever it is for any other reason, we need to evaluate our motives.

Our measure of success is not the same as God’s. While we may not feel like we are progressing, in God’s eyes, He sees the work being done inside of us, for His purpose, and our overall success. He sees the bigger picture, and no season is EVER wasted. Even the ones that felt like a waste. You are progressing more than you think.

And it would only be a matter of time, until you see it yourself, and end up thanking God for that season that made no sense.

God sees the late nights, the sacrifices, the tears, the time, and resources, and He will honor you in due season. None of it was in vain. 

Based on a post I read by @benjaminlundquist on Instagram: The quiet is where He builds you. The waiting is where He strengthens you. The hidden place is where He develops the foundation for the influence you’ll carry in the light.

Lesson : God’s approval is all you need to do what He has called you to do. Period. 

Some messages I would see on Instagram that resonated with my situation, and brought peace and healing. Please Enjoy.

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Easter/ Resurrection Sunday

I have been volunteering in the children’s ministry of my church for about 5 years. For the past 3 Easters, I volunteered to help with the festivities for the kiddos. My church goes all out for Easter: activities include a bouncy house station, blow up basketball games station, an ice cream/video station, bible trivia station, and lastly, the group games and tattoos station, which I was in charge of this year. In the group games/ tattoo station, there was a huge box outlined in tape and divided in two, filled with colorful plastic balls. The kids were to be divided in two teams, hence why the box was divided in two, and the object of the game was for the kids to throw as many balls to the other side as they could, and the side with the least amount of balls would win the game. They had about a minute to do it. I had to facilitate this game and make sure everything ran smoothly. It was a little chaotic at times as kids were already starting to throw and kick balls before I even gave instructions, but overall it went well. The first graders followed instructions the best (LOL). As a first year teacher, I’ll be the first to tell you, managing a group of kids is no easy task haha but thank God for the teacher helpers and volunteers who helped keep the kids on task. After the game, the kids went to the tables and chairs in the back. The tables were filled with different tattoos, and the kids got to choose one, and put it on.

Full Circle Moment: While facilitating the games, my station helper handed me a microphone, being that the room was pretty big and there would be a great amount of children. It helped significantly with running the games and projecting my voice to reach everyone. When I finished facilitating the games, I had a full circle moment. These games took place in the church’s chapel. Years back, during my teenage years, I suffered with severe social anxiety, and I remember being in this same chapel, during youth service events, very anxious. During praise and worship, I was too scared to sing out loud or even lift my hands. I was always concerned about who may be looking at me. It was terrible, and I sometimes felt like God did not care, because I was not seeing results as quickly as I wanted to. But here I was, many years later, on the MICROPHONE, leading games, to a large number of kids, very boldly and very confidently. I told my mom in the car, “God got me on the microphone.” And only He could get the credit for that. What better day than RESURRECTION SUNDAY, to fully be in awe of the resurrection power that is available to all of us, and is in work in all of us, giving us the strength and power to do things we could never do on our own. You may be in a situation that seems very impossible and difficult, and may wonder where God is. He’s there with you, and can already see you totally delivered and free from what is binding you, though you may not be able to at the moment. With God, your situation will always end in VICTORY, so as my pastor always says, “If it’s negative, GOD’s not done. And if God is not done, you’re not done!”

I also wanted to share my Easter meal. My family has been requesting some roti and curry duck for so long, haha. My mom made some bussup-shut roti, curry duck, channa, and curried potatoes. It was sooooooooo yummy. Enjoy this picture.

Thanks for reading. He is Risen!!!!

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WHAT’S THE RUSH?

    I acknowledge that everyone’s journey is different and this will not apply to everyone, but just sharing my experience!

I know that taking a break after college or taking a year off is usually frowned upon because we are in such a fast-paced society, but it may end up being the best decision you could ever make. Just to be clear, I did not intentionally take two years off after college before getting into my “career or field,”it just happened that way.

    If you would have told me that I would be working in retail for two years after graduating college, I probably would have been very confused. When I got my retail job at the beginning of my senior year in college, I guess I just thought of it as a job to help provide while still a student, but I had the mentality that once I graduated, I would go straight into my career(which I was still unsure about). It did not quite happen like that for me.

I graduated in 2020, when the COVID-19 pandemic first started, and I believe that played a little role in me not diving into a career immediately upon graduation, but on top of that, I did not know what career to pursue. I applied to so many different type of jobs that I thought would suit me like editorial jobs, publishing jobs, even teacher assistant/apprenticeship jobs, and NOTHING. I thought I would be able to easily get any job either because of my degree or my prior job experiences, but NO. I literally did not know where to turn. It was like I hit a dead end. But let me tell you why that was such a BLESSING IN DISGUISE.

It forced me to GROW! You do not grow when everything makes sense or always happens based on your own understanding, it is actually the opposite. Not having any answers really just pushed me to confront my own inner issues. Why was I such in a hurry to find a job? To prove myself to others? To feel important? To make more money? Once I started to dig deeper, I realized my intentions and focus were in the wrong places, and I was able to mature and shift my focus.

Even as I was continually working at my retail job, God humbled me, by making me realize that I was putting too much value in the jobs that I was seeking, and less on Him. With that kind of attitude, it is almost as if I forgot that I prayed for the job I currently had. My retail job was still providing for me IN A PANDEMIC, the hours were pretty good and convenient for me, and I genuinely had a good time there, so why the hurry. Yes, we should never remain complacent and yes, we all eventually want what’s next for us, sometimes BEFORE its time, but that is no reason to devalue your current situation. God brought out patience, maturity, and humility in me through this. Instead of praying for a next job, my prayers went like, “God, I trust your timing. You are an ON-TIME GOD. You know the plans you have for me. I believe you are opening up the right door at the right time, and when you tell me to GO, I will go, but in the mean-time, I want to honor you in my current season, where you have me.” THAT REALLY HELPED ME! At the end of day, GOD KNOWS BEST. It’s better to wait and trust, than to rush and bust.

The time off after graduation gave me so much clarity about myself and my desires. I was able to BREATHE. God spoke to me in so many different ways. I actually could be still and listen to Him more. I could take the time and get into His word and learn more about Him. Matthew 6:33 says, “But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” I was able to seek God deeper, and little by little he began to show me what to do, and revealed what was already inside of me.

As time progressed, I just thought of classes in college that made me super passionate and excited. They involved creative writing along with African-American and Caribbean literature. I also thought about how much I loved working with children, both as a camp counselor and as a children’s church volunteer. It was like a light bulb popped for me. I thought to myself, “Wow, if I could be an educator in a subject that makes me passionate, I think I would be so happy and fulfilled.” I never thought these type of thoughts before, in fact, I usually dismissed them, so the fact that I was having this moment, meant much to me.

Not going to lie to you though, being an educator was not always on the top of my list, or else I would have gotten into that field straight out of college. For some reason, I associated negative experiences with school, and did not want to have a career in a school. Whenever one would ask me if I wanted to be a teacher, it was a quick “NO!” It actually even took me a while to accept that teaching was the route I would explore and pursue for myself, at whatever cost. But once I accepted that this was the route I would be pursuing, I could put forth more action such as taking the Praxis tests with the hope of getting the right opportunity.

Fast forward to May 2022, exactly two years after graduating from Rutgers as an undergrad, I am going to grad school to get my masters in education. The program that I am doing will prepare me to be a teacher within a year and allow me to experience being in a classroom setting. I am very excited to finally be working towards this career and going in the route that I believe God is leading me in. I still do not have all the answers, but I am trusting God each step of the way.

I write all of this to say, do not allow the timing of your journey to diminish your purpose and calling. I KNOW sometimes it feels so dry, hopeless, and desolate, but the MOST HIGH has you exactly where you are for a specific purpose. Only GOOD can be associated with GOD, so if you are not feeling GOOD, just keep waiting and trusting. Once you make God your focus, EVERYTHING CHANGES. The amount of clarity and knowledge that comes with seeking God is something you’d never get, trying to put matters in your own hands.

While I am very ecstatic to start this new chapter, I am also in the process of unlearning and saying goodbye to the routine that I have been in for the last two years. Since I was not in my career, and pretty much just home most of the time, despite working at my retail job, doing errands and hanging out with my day ones, I had ample FREE TIME which was definitely a luxury that we all need in life sometimes. Well that will change as I will have much more responsibilities and duties to attend to upon starting grad school and eventually my career, so I am currently mentally preparing for that, and trying to enjoy the last pages of this current chapter. Don’t get me wrong though, I am super grateful and excited to finally pursue a career in education, and moving forward into my destiny. It is only up from here.

Lessons that I learned from the past two years:

SEEK GOD FIRST.

DON’T ATTACH YOUR WORTH TO THIS WORLD.

TRUST GOD’S TIMING.

DIG DEEPER WITHIN YOURSELF.

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR CURRENT SEASON.

BE PRESENT.

ENJOY LIFE!!!!!!!!

There you have it. Thanks for tuning in.

❤ DOM

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I WANT TO BE THIS LITTLE GIRL, AGAIN

“At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” And calling to him a child, he put him in the midst of them and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me.” Matthew 18:1-35

    I find it very interesting that Jesus magnifies children as the greatest in the kingdom of Heaven. You would think He would say preachers, prophets, or people who dedicated their lives to serving Him. But no, children.

    If you really think about it, children are precious, but can often be viewed as helpless, annoying, needy, exhausting, etc. Children are not always looked at in the highest regard.

For some reason, as a child, I always felt like the adults were the lucky ones. They got to stay up late, leave the house at their leisure, buy anything they wanted, and live freely without rules or punishment. Feeling like a kid sucked sometimes because we were limited.

    LET’S BE REAL. A lot of us were very excited to become adults because of the freedom associated with it, and that is fine. We would have the power to create the life we wanted without others enforcing their agendas on us, though that still happens sometimes, we ultimately would have the power. As an adult now, I’M LOVING IT, because of the independence!

    However, there are some child-like traits that I want to have again that got lost in the midst of growing up in this world.

    I remember in third grade, I decided to draw my whole class these random pictures, and put them in these white envelopes with their names on it. I do not know what compelled me to do this, but I did it. Looking back, I find that to be totally BOLD. These pictures were not Picasso material, and yet I still had enough confidence to give them out, despite what my classmates would have thought. My classmates were very intrigued and were all talking about what kind of pictures they got. It did put me in a vulnerable position, because I did not know how the pictures would have been received, but the bottom line is, I DID IT. Now, if I were to do that today, there probably would be more hesitancy and doubt, because of the over-thinking that comes with being an adult.

    In fourth grade, I ran for class president! FOURTH GRADE! I remember making my posters and saying my speech in front of the whole school in the auditorium. TALK BOUT BOLD. Even though I did not win, the fact that I still put myself out there just showcases the inner-courage that was already inside of me.

    I felt like as a kid, everything just seemed more exciting, even the small things. Life was approached as a mystery and wonder. As we age, the spark gets lost, and it is up to us to find it again. I truly miss not caring what others thought and just doing what I said I was going to do, without overthinking, doubting, or worrying. I miss where my imagination used to go. I miss being unapologetically me. I had no reputation to cling to or money to worry about. I legit had nothing to show for. I was just being me.

    I think this is what Jesus was implying. When you are a child, you believe everything, without getting so deep in thought. You do whatever you have to do, without fear of judgment because you are not all up in your head.

    Being like a child would entail us fully depending on God, as we would our parents, and not in anything we have. As adults, we sometimes allow our career, social status, accomplishments, income, relationships, good deeds, etc to define, sustain, or qualify us, when in reality, God could care less about that. GOD OWNS THE WORLD, you think He cares about those superficial qualities? Being like a child would mean letting go of your roles, titles, status, possessions, or any earthly label in exchange for God’s word, purpose, and process. It means TRUSTING in God, no matter what. It means taking YOU out of the equation. Jesus regards this behavior as the highest in the Kingdom of heaven.

    Jesus himself, the king of kings, was of NO REPUTATION. That should blow your mind. His life was dedicated to serving others and God, even though He had the power to do ANYTHING. He could have lived any life he wanted, but chose to be a SERVANT. He could care less about people’s opinions because He knew his purpose, which was to honor God, even if it made him look lame, silly, or unpopular. God’s kingdom was regarded higher than the things of the Earth. In other words, if you think Earth is the best you’ve seen, then you are living a lie, because Heaven is 10X better. Streets of GOLD????? Yeah, okay.

    Bottom line, I think we should strive to let go of any earthly obsessions and just get over ourselves. Yes, love yourself, and build the best life you can, but at the end of the day, we’re nothing without God. As humans, we sometimes act very prideful, as if we are invincible or the best thing to ever walk the Earth, based on materially or superficial qualities, but we’re not. When we die, our bodies will become dirt, and it is only our spirits that will live on. Feed the spirit and magnify your spiritual identity, because you are a spirit. Make a bigger deal about what is unseen, rather than what is seen. Real riches are in Heaven! Surrender your bodies to God because He can do so much more with it than we can. Let go of any selfish ambitions and desires that do not benefit anyone but yourself.

    I am not saying that you should not invest in yourself, take care of yourself, or enjoy your life. I’m not saying you can’t have nice possessions, or have a luxurious life. God has an abundant, enriching life for us all (AND I WANT GOD’S VERY BEST, HONEY). I just think we sometimes make a bigger deal out of superficial, temporary earthly fantasies that do nothing for us in the long haul. Just make sure that the things of the Earth DO NOT DEFINE OR HAVE YOU! The true path of life is one of surrender and service to God, even if it looks crazy to the world. God has MORE for us than what we think we want or what the world promotes, best believe that.

    Trust me, I am still learning to apply these principles to my life and make changes. This message is definitely for me too. It is challenging because everything is always about what the flesh wants, and as a result, we neglect our spirits. It is truly a spiritual fight, EVERYDAY. But like a child, we must cling to God, and let go of ourselves. It will be a process, but a very worthwhile one.

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LEARN ABOUT YOU, ENJOY YOU, EMBRACE YOU

For many years, I did not like myself. In fact, I am still dealing with the repercussions. I was unaware of how much of my past still affected me to this day. I was just going through life, nonchalantly, as if nothing happened to me.

To go a little more in detail about my past, which I have mentioned in other posts, I had terrible social anxiety, insecurities, and very low self-esteem, specifically during my teenager phase (middle school into high school). It was depressing. I did not like to be looked at and was super paranoid, did not like to be around people and if I was, I’d get very tense, shy, and anxious. When people would stare at me, it was triggering. I would also get very bitter, angry, envious of others, and was such a mess. I attributed my whole worth to others’ opinion of me. It was like a gray cloud hovering over me, preventing me from living life to the fullest. Man, I cried so much, and hated it.

Recently, during my late night prayer, I just closed my eyes, and was silent. My mind transported back to all of the painful memories of my past. The memories I have not reconciled with nor greeted.

It’s like I had forgotten the tears, affliction, and misery.

Warm tears streamed down my face as I remembered, “what was.” They were not tears of mourning nor pain, but tears of gratitude and remembrance.

LET ME BRAG ABOUT GOD. He has transformed my life in ways I can’t explain, with His love, peace, joy, security, and very BEING. Little by little, He has made me stronger, wiser, and better, through knowledge of His word and my experiences. He is my safety in this dark world, and having that sense of security allows me to live the life He has given me with confidence, even during my darkest moments. His security and love assures me that I am enough in Him. His peace allows me to go through my day without being bombarded with worry, anxiety, and fear. I MEAN, ONLY GOD COULD DO THAT. I am so much more loving and gracious towards others because of His love, I am full of joy for no reason, I am gentler on myself, I am tapping into my own individual authority, I’m doing things I said I’d never do, like MAN!!!!!! Most importantly, I AM LOVING MYSELF MORE. This is why I am so passionate about God. HE DID THAT. I am not the same person I was, and I will be forever thankful for how far He has brought me. You would not even recognize me if you only remembered the “past me.” If not for those struggles, I would not be the person I am, and to see how He still could use that pain, and turn it into such a beautiful story, AMAZES ME!!!!!

While praying, I just felt God telling me that there was still work to be done, battles to fight, behaviors to unlearn, and obstacles to confront. It’s time to confront the areas I have avoided. It’s time to grow and change for the better, and not just stay complacent because it feels good. It’s time to FIGHT, and TAKE BACK WHAT THE ENEMY STOLE. It’s time.

I can honestly say, though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been, flaws and all. I am starting to accept myself more, embrace myself, and just enjoy myself. To know that I’ve been made with purpose, intention, a unique design, and chosen from the God who created the universe by speaking is enough to make me happy. I’m so excited to keep growing and becoming. It took me a very long time to get to this place, and I feel that it is worthy of celebrating and acknowledging.

I question myself more: Why am I the way I am? Is some of my childhood- adolescence mind-sets still affecting me? What habits and qualities are hindering me? What do I like about myself? How can I be more in touch with my feelings and emotions? I’ve just been digging a little deeper with the famous question: WHO AM I????? And I’ve been loving every second of it. I encourage you to do the same. If you do not ask these questions, you will go through life, powerless, not knowing your true value and potential. If you are not in touch with yourself, you would never be able to be in touch with others. IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR US TO DO! IT IS WHERE YOUR POWER LIES!

God imagined you, chose you, breathed life into you, made you so intricately and beautifully, with grace, a divine purpose, and love: if that doesn’t get you excited, what else will?! He knows the smallest details about you that you probably would never even notice. He LOVES you so much, I mean, HE IS LOVE! He has an amazing plan for your life, and knows you more than you’ll ever know yourself. He is intentional, very careful about his creation, majestic, all powerful, and every good word in the dictionary. I mean, HE’S EVERYTHING. There’s no YOU without HIM.

Get to know God, and you will learn so much more about yourself, and go on one of the best journeys of your life. I am a witness.

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WILL YOU SURRENDER???

                            

This is a question I feel like God has been asking me. Where I want to be and where I am now seems so far apart, and sometimes I find myself getting lost in everyday routines and idleness. When you are in a waiting season for a long time, it is tempting to get stuck there, and you have to continually let God’s word renew your mind and spirit to His truth about your circumstance and identity. As written in a prior blog post, I am a natural planner, and feel like I need to check off boxes before feeling qualified enough to do things, but in my walk of faith, I can no longer do that.

I am at a place where I have subtle hints, but do not have all of the answers(don’t think we ever will). There is uncertainty, and though that can be scary, I am learning that it is okay and probably where God wants me to be. Taking each step forward is all I can do.

I had an epiphany in my family’s kitchen. Our kitchen is newly renovated. Construction started around April of 2021. Next to our kitchen was the tv room, which was destroyed, in order to extend the new kitchen. During this time, our dining room and living room was filled with furniture from the kitchen and tv room along with cardboard boxes from packages because the wooden floors for the new kitchen had to be replaced. In the midst of this process, the second floor was very crowded, messy, dusty, and a headache to look at (LOL). On top of that, we had to temporarily transition to the kitchen in the basement, which was a much smaller space. That itself was an adjustment, because as a family, we had to go down an extra flight of steps whether to bring down groceries, cook food, get food, and then go back to wash our dishes and you know the drill.

Additionally, our top floor bathroom was being renovated, so we had to go downstairs to the bathroom and the basement to shower. Lots of stairs!!! At first, it was aggravating. Imagine waking up half-asleep, and having to go downstairs to the bathroom, multiple times. I remember whispering to myself, “I hate this.” The comfort and convenience was gone. Now, we had to adjust to this new method, and after some time, we did. It became normal, and we learned to make do with what we had, knowing that our reward (new kitchen and new bathroom) would be worth the wait. It was tempting to just complain, but what was being done in this time of construction, was much more important than what we were feeling.

Our tv room was a decent size, but nothing fancy. It was rare that all of us as a family would be in there nowadays, unlike in the past. For the most part, there would be one occupant or two, on occasion, since there is a tv in most of our bedrooms. I used to workout in the tv room in the past, but now I do that in my room. It is safe to say that our tv room no longer served a significant purpose, it was just there. Our former kitchen was old-looking and also was just there like a complacent person, not caring about life. My parents were the ones who were ready to make some changes to this space, and bring life to it.

Fast forward to November 2021. Our kitchen was finally completed, and the bathroom was almost done. The kitchen space was not recognizable to me at first glance. I was amazed by the transformation. A few days ago, I was standing in my kitchen around 11pm and it dawned upon me that I was standing in what was our tv room. Where I used to lay back, watch my shows and do my workouts, now stood this large pantry. The same space where sometimes on Thanksgiving, there was a table that me and my cousins would eat, and shared so many memories, is now part of a new design for this kitchen. The island and cupboards are bigger, nicer, and much better than the old ones. The floors are no longer dirty or squeaky, but smooth and delicate. The stove is much bigger and has so many cool, beneficial effects. The lights are vibrant and aesthetically pleasing. There is a television that definitely gets a lot of use. And there is a dish-washer(LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN)!! The overall quality of our new kitchen is just BETTER. The same space we used to neglect sometimes, is now much more useful and a delight to be in.

I say all of this to say, if I could go back five years, I never would have thought our kitchen would be looking the way it looks now. I never could have imagined it, because maybe I was okay with the way the kitchen or tv room looked or did not care enough. I was okay with the bare minimum or mediocrity. When my parents would talk about these renovations, I was interested, but not jumping with enthusiasm or joy. But now, looking at the final result, I am so overjoyed. The adjustments, waiting, and construction was all worth it.

    Translating this to life, I think sometimes we get complacent and small-minded about our lives. It may be because we have been waiting for a while and things haven’t been changing. Maybe it is hard for us to see a way out of what we may be going through. As a result, we settle, and never rise above our circumstances. But standing in my family’s new kitchen, I felt like God was telling me that He could do so much through me, if I would just let go of my small-minded thoughts, and surrender my whole life to Him. By surrender I mean, surrendering my desires, comfort, time, thoughts, and honestly everything. In the same way, that my old kitchen and tv room was becoming lifeless and useless, then suddenly refined, fruitful, more effective, and brand new, after some construction, adjustments, and time is what I believe God wants to do through us, if we would just lay up our plans for His. He is a BIG God, His thoughts are above our thoughts, and His ways are above our ways. We may not always understand why things happen the way that they do, and maybe they do not feel as glamorous as we’d like, but God is always working up something bigger and better than we can physically see. The bible verse, Isaiah 43:18-19, comes to mind, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

 I do not want to get to the end of my life, and see that I’ve missed out on what God wanted to do through my life because of complacency, small-mindedness, ignorance, or disobedience. God knows how to get us to a place where our lives are effective to His kingdom, fruitful and overflowing, but you have to want it for yourself, too. You have to fully commit to his process and way. You may wake up one day and not even recognize yourself, because you let God have his way.

    If there is anything you get out of this piece, please get this: start thinking bigger and better, start dreaming bigger, start expecting more, because that is what God desires/has for you: BIGGER! ❤

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MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

     

I grew up in church and knew of God for my whole life. I am fortunate and blessed to have a mother who always encouraged me in the Lord, even when I did not fully understand Him. I believe that is one of the main reasons I am a firm believer to this day. 

Though I knew of God, I did not really start getting to know him on a deeper level until I  got to high school and college. During those years, I got to a point where I realized I could not live this life without God. I needed Him to help me overcome struggles and guide me in the right path. This is when I started to take God more seriously. 

I was going through severe social anxiety, low self-esteem, insecurities, etc. It was at its peak during my middle school- high school years, when I started to become more aware of my identity. I did not even fully understand what I was going through. I did not like to be around large groups of people and when I was, I would get super tense and shy. I remember when I was at church, I would keep my head down sometimes. I had difficulty opening up to people and did not like to be looked at. The majority of my thoughts revolved around what others may be thinking of me. I always felt inferior to others, and misunderstood. I felt like no one could relate to what I was going through, and felt judged and super alone. It was really tough. There were many tears, frustration, and confusion. 

Anxiety is literal bondage. It is like thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts just gnawing at you. I did not have enough spiritual capacity/maturity to fight it at the time, so it ate me up, and I often felt powerless and weak. Though I knew of God, our relationship was still growing, therefore, it took time for me to really start understanding who God really was, and how important His role in my life would be in order for me to experience true deliverance and freedom. In the midst of that, it was really hard to move forward, because I did not have all the answers and did not know what to do. I am so thankful my mother had a strong relationship with God, because she would always pray over me as well as encourage me to get into God’s word. If not for that, I do not know where I would be. It was my only hope. 

None of the above limited God from intervening, though. He is still God and knows how to handle our issues, despite our knowledge about Him and His word, which is reassuring. He meets us where we are. Though He did not fully deliver me, he gradually made me stronger and closer to Him. As every year passed, specifically in high school, I felt stronger and more knowledgeable about God and his word, through my different experiences and through getting into His word through sermons and books. This allowed me to continually adjust my mind-set according to what God’s word said about my circumstances. I started to see growth and change in my life, as I adjusted my thinking, towards the end of high school and into college. I had less bad days and more victorious days. I was stepping on the very things that used to crush me— that is nothing but the power of God. Getting to experience God’s peace and presence, as well as getting to know him on a more personal level, calmed my fears, and allowed me to start seeing myself the way that God saw me. 

God dealt with me so calmly, like a loving father would. He was the only one who could truly understand what I was going through, and knew exactly how to take care of me. Though, I felt like a nobody, he treated me like I was everything. There were countless tears and dark nights. I doubted his power sometimes. But, He never gave up on me. He comforted me, kept me, restored me, strengthened me, carried me, encouraged me, and most importantly, LOVED, me, through it all, and is the only reason, I am who I am today.  I do not know HOW, but He always came through, just when I needed Him. 

College is when I really started to see bigger breakthroughs where my confidence and self-value were involved. I started to think bigger and better thoughts of myself according to my identity in Christ, and relied on God’s promises. I really started to see fruit and manifestation. I could be around groups of people in class or outside, and feel confident and at peace. I started to express my unique style. I started to become more comfortable in who God made me to be. It was a turning point and celebratory phase in my life. Though struggles and weaknesses do not instantly disappear and I am still dealing with them, to see growth and breakthrough, is joyful. 

I feel like my weakness is what allowed me to stay dependent on God and is why I am so close to Him, which I am super thankful for. It really was a blessing, though I could not see that back then. It is still an ongoing journey, but I am confident that He will finish what He started in me. He did not bring me this far to leave me. Do not be ashamed of your weakness!!! I really hope this encourages someone. 

I really do not know how to describe my relationship with God. God is so BIG, and the dictionary does not even do him justice. I will try my best.

If I could describe my relationship with God, it is like an escape from this world. The world is no match for the presence of God. Whether I have a good day, or a bad day, my spirit and soul yearn for Him. My worth, my being, my purpose, is all tied to Him. If I for one second, let anything else get my attention, I feel empty. I always find myself running back into His loving embrace, somehow. It is where I get my strength, peace, joy, hope, rest, assurance, confidence, boldness, and everything else I will ever need. The closer I get to Him, the more I realize, He is enough and all I need.

I speak to Him like I speak to a friend, and our bond is very special. I set aside quiet time, every night before bed, where I watch a sermon, worship, and commune with God. It is the best part of my day.

Even as I go through my daily routines, I talk to Him and keep Him in my mind. To know him is a GIFT and PRIVILEGE. 

I will continue to share Him and my story in hopes that others will want to run to Him too, even if it is uncomfortable. All I want is for those around me to experience His love and goodness in their lives, as well as form their own personal relationships with Him. God makes the difference, not anything in this world. God is to be praised. God is all that matters. Period. 

❤