Tag: self-esteem

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On a Self-Love, Healing Journey

2023 will be all about self love. I’ve heard the word self-love so many times, and even thought I had mastered the art of self-love, but boy did the past few months prove me wrong. I think the true test of self-love is how you react to adversity and losses. It is how you react when you are in completely vulnerable situations. Are you battered up in shame, unease, and ghosts from your past, everytime you experience failure or setbacks? Or are you gentle with yourself, give yourself grace, and recognize your own humanity?

Recently, I had to question myself. “Why are you always feeling bad for not measuring up to the expectations of others?” In other words, “why do you keep giving others so much power over you?” 

It is like I could not be at peace, unless I was sure I was on good terms with everyone. Any thought of anyone being upset, annoyed or frustrated with me would cause a great deal of discomfort and shame. And this is a product of my people-pleasing past. 

I found myself feeling like I had to be a whole different person in order to be accepted or that something must be wrong with me, because I was not seeing the results in my life that I wanted. Thoughts of comparison would come along with guilt for not being what others may have expected. Very rarely, did I give myself any grace. 

Adversity is usually not fun or pleasant, but what I like about it is it brings our dysfunction to the surface. God shakes our world up sometimes to reveal what is in our hearts. And He showed me that I’ve been putting too much worth in “my image,” and less on His WORD and THOUGHTS of me, which is infinitely more important and THE TRUTH.

I recently started renewing my mind more consistently and intentionally by reciting  scriptures daily and my life has shifted tremendously. Am I where I want to be? No, but I am progressing.

A game changer scripture that has helped me is:

“I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus”– 2 Corinthians 5:21

To be righteous means to be justified and perfect in God’s sight. Jesus died and took our place so that we could be made right with God, have a relationship with God, live an abundant, purposeful life, and get to spend eternity with God. The reason why this scripture has impacted me is because I am no longer basing my worth on MY performance or actions, but resting in my identity in Christ. It is no longer about what I do, but who Christ is in me.  

“I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” – Galatians 2:20

I had a few days recently where I was not feeling satisfied with my performance. Like a full blown negativity fest. One day, while listening to a message from one of my favorite pastors, I went into my closet, as I was deciding on the outfit I would wear the following day.

I was looking for a white tank top, and picked up the first white tank that I saw. The words on the shirt brought me to tears. This was one of my old work-out shirts that I purchased a few years ago. The words said:

PROGRESS, NOT PERFECTION

I really believe the Holy Spirit was speaking to me through this old shirt of mine. Do not strive for perfection, just progression. 

My message is to take the pressure off of yourself. Definitely strive for excellence and always be open to learning/growth, but stop placing so much value on getting everything right. If no one was watching, you probably would not care as much, so just try to live as if it is just you and God. At the end of the day, God’s approval is all that matters.

Fail with grace. Make mistakes with grace. Fall down with grace. Be human with grace. 

Also, enjoy who God created you to be. The personality you have. The quirks you have. The strengths you have. The style/swag you have. The gifts and passions you have. Put more energy into that.

Take care of yourself and enjoy life. You deserve that. 

God, the all powerful creator of the universe, designed you, intricately and with extreme care. He knows every little detail about you and your life. He knows your past, thoughts, insecurities, failures, and all the ugliness, and yet still loves and accepts you. That should be enough for you to love yourself, period! 

Keep being you.

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LEARN ABOUT YOU, ENJOY YOU, EMBRACE YOU

For many years, I did not like myself. In fact, I am still dealing with the repercussions. I was unaware of how much of my past still affected me to this day. I was just going through life, nonchalantly, as if nothing happened to me.

To go a little more in detail about my past, which I have mentioned in other posts, I had terrible social anxiety, insecurities, and very low self-esteem, specifically during my teenager phase (middle school into high school). It was depressing. I did not like to be looked at and was super paranoid, did not like to be around people and if I was, I’d get very tense, shy, and anxious. When people would stare at me, it was triggering. I would also get very bitter, angry, envious of others, and was such a mess. I attributed my whole worth to others’ opinion of me. It was like a gray cloud hovering over me, preventing me from living life to the fullest. Man, I cried so much, and hated it.

Recently, during my late night prayer, I just closed my eyes, and was silent. My mind transported back to all of the painful memories of my past. The memories I have not reconciled with nor greeted.

It’s like I had forgotten the tears, affliction, and misery.

Warm tears streamed down my face as I remembered, “what was.” They were not tears of mourning nor pain, but tears of gratitude and remembrance.

LET ME BRAG ABOUT GOD. He has transformed my life in ways I can’t explain, with His love, peace, joy, security, and very BEING. Little by little, He has made me stronger, wiser, and better, through knowledge of His word and my experiences. He is my safety in this dark world, and having that sense of security allows me to live the life He has given me with confidence, even during my darkest moments. His security and love assures me that I am enough in Him. His peace allows me to go through my day without being bombarded with worry, anxiety, and fear. I MEAN, ONLY GOD COULD DO THAT. I am so much more loving and gracious towards others because of His love, I am full of joy for no reason, I am gentler on myself, I am tapping into my own individual authority, I’m doing things I said I’d never do, like MAN!!!!!! Most importantly, I AM LOVING MYSELF MORE. This is why I am so passionate about God. HE DID THAT. I am not the same person I was, and I will be forever thankful for how far He has brought me. You would not even recognize me if you only remembered the “past me.” If not for those struggles, I would not be the person I am, and to see how He still could use that pain, and turn it into such a beautiful story, AMAZES ME!!!!!

While praying, I just felt God telling me that there was still work to be done, battles to fight, behaviors to unlearn, and obstacles to confront. It’s time to confront the areas I have avoided. It’s time to grow and change for the better, and not just stay complacent because it feels good. It’s time to FIGHT, and TAKE BACK WHAT THE ENEMY STOLE. It’s time.

I can honestly say, though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been, flaws and all. I am starting to accept myself more, embrace myself, and just enjoy myself. To know that I’ve been made with purpose, intention, a unique design, and chosen from the God who created the universe by speaking is enough to make me happy. I’m so excited to keep growing and becoming. It took me a very long time to get to this place, and I feel that it is worthy of celebrating and acknowledging.

I question myself more: Why am I the way I am? Is some of my childhood- adolescence mind-sets still affecting me? What habits and qualities are hindering me? What do I like about myself? How can I be more in touch with my feelings and emotions? I’ve just been digging a little deeper with the famous question: WHO AM I????? And I’ve been loving every second of it. I encourage you to do the same. If you do not ask these questions, you will go through life, powerless, not knowing your true value and potential. If you are not in touch with yourself, you would never be able to be in touch with others. IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR US TO DO! IT IS WHERE YOUR POWER LIES!

God imagined you, chose you, breathed life into you, made you so intricately and beautifully, with grace, a divine purpose, and love: if that doesn’t get you excited, what else will?! He knows the smallest details about you that you probably would never even notice. He LOVES you so much, I mean, HE IS LOVE! He has an amazing plan for your life, and knows you more than you’ll ever know yourself. He is intentional, very careful about his creation, majestic, all powerful, and every good word in the dictionary. I mean, HE’S EVERYTHING. There’s no YOU without HIM.

Get to know God, and you will learn so much more about yourself, and go on one of the best journeys of your life. I am a witness.

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MY EXPERIENCE AS AN INTROVERT

   

Hi, my name is Dominique and I am an introvert!

Merriam-Webster defines introvert as “a person whose personality is characterized by introversion : a typically reserved or quiet person who tends to be introspective and enjoys spending time alone.”

I think this word and definition is kind of limiting, because we are all multi-dimensional beings, so I do not think it could fully define someone, but in a general sense, it is true in my case.

By nature, I like to keep to myself. I don’t always need to be in all the action. I am not usually the loudest person in a room nor the center of attention. If I walk into a room full of strangers, my first instinct is to find a corner to sit at and observe as opposed to finding groups of people to communicate with( not the best habit, I know haha). I do not need to text, call, or hangout with my friends everyday or every weekend, nor do I always need to talk or socialize. I spend the majority of my time by myself, delightfully.

    This does not mean I do not like to interact with people, it is just that I can only do it to a certain extent. Talking to people 24/7 or ALWAYS being around people can be exhausting for me and in no way, stimulates me. I can do it for a period of time, and as humans, we NEED to interact and socialize with others, and I enjoy it, but I know my limits.

I REALLY enjoy my own company, like REALLY. Nothing makes me happier than being in my room, eating some bomb food, and watching some of my favorite shows, alone. I can eat however I want, laugh as loud as I want, and no one can tell me anything!! I like to jog, do yoga, or go on walks by myself. Even doing nothing by myself is enjoyable to me. The best part of my day is towards the nighttime when I exercise, read a bible devotion or book, listen to a sermon, pray, and then go to bed. It is refreshing and special to me, and it helps me to focus on God, alone, without distractions. It allows me to work on myself and love myself, on a much deeper level. Being alone comfortably, is honestly top tier. Ain’t no time like me-time!

    NOW NOW NOW, I am not saying I do not like to go out and interact with friends, or meet new people. I hang out with my friends on occasion and enjoy it so much because it is just refreshing and nice to be with people who value and respect me. I always have a good time with my friends and I desire many more memories with them. We all need friends!!!!

To add to that, I also have a raging desire inside of me to meet new people and create new experiences. I think the misconception people have about introverts is that we’re “boring”, “anti-social,” or “rude.” But the reality is, we just socialize and navigate life differently. We do not always need social stimulation, but that does not take away the fact, that some of us, like myself, is always open to meeting people.

Speaking for myself, I am very observant, which may not always be a good thing, because I may unintentionally make prejudgements, but it means that I do not let anyone in my life fully until I am comfortable with them or there is a level of trust, and once there is, WATCH OUT HONEY. You would swear I was a different person, but you have to earn my trust and respect, in order to get to the next level of our friendship, relationship, etc and get more access to me. I don’t give all of myself away so freely. The social process of introverts is different than that of extroverts.

    Additionally, for me and maybe other introverts, (because not all introverts are the same,) it may take us a while to get comfortable in a new setting or in a new group, because of nerves, or we need to feel out the atmosphere, and as a result we may look detached or uninterested. Being openly friendly with strangers is not something that comes natural to us,(speaking for myself) but something we have to keep practicing, until we’re confident enough to do it, because we are so reserved by nature. I sometimes overthink or rehearse conversations in my head before deciding to speak to someone whereas an extrovert can just walk up to you effortlessly and start talking. So, if you see me in my corner by myself, it does not mean I am uninterested or anti-social, maybe I am strategizing ways to open up. However, as an introvert, there may be occasions where I just want to sit to the side and enjoy the vibes by myself, and I have no problem doing that.

    As I mentioned earlier, the definition of introvert is limiting, because it cannot fully define someone. I enjoy spending time alone and naturally, I am more on the chill, quiet side. However, once I am comfortable enough to open up, you will see that I am friendly, louder, goofy, and very fun (things you probably would not call me at first glance- ask my closest friends and family LOL). I love deep conversations, I passionately love people and hearing their stories, I love to dance and have a good time, and the list goes on. It’s just that I handle social situations differently, and highly values alone time in order to recuperate and ground my spirit.

I am sure some extroverts would agree that they have introverted tendencies that people may overlook because of their outward nature.

So yes, I have a lot of introverted ways, like A LOT, and would call myself an introvert, naturally and in a general sense, but I wouldn’t say that the definition is enough to describe the depth of someone.