MY RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

     

I grew up in church and knew of God for my whole life. I am fortunate and blessed to have a mother who always encouraged me in the Lord, even when I did not fully understand Him. I believe that is one of the main reasons I am a firm believer to this day. 

Though I knew of God, I did not really start getting to know him on a deeper level until I  got to high school and college. During those years, I got to a point where I realized I could not live this life without God. I needed Him to help me overcome struggles and guide me in the right path. This is when I started to take God more seriously. 

I was going through severe social anxiety, low self-esteem, insecurities, etc. It was at its peak during my middle school- high school years, when I started to become more aware of my identity. I did not even fully understand what I was going through. I did not like to be around large groups of people and when I was, I would get super tense and shy. I remember when I was at church, I would keep my head down sometimes. I had difficulty opening up to people and did not like to be looked at. The majority of my thoughts revolved around what others may be thinking of me. I always felt inferior to others, and misunderstood. I felt like no one could relate to what I was going through, and felt judged and super alone. It was really tough. There were many tears, frustration, and confusion. 

Anxiety is literal bondage. It is like thoughts upon thoughts upon thoughts just gnawing at you. I did not have enough spiritual capacity/maturity to fight it at the time, so it ate me up, and I often felt powerless and weak. Though I knew of God, our relationship was still growing, therefore, it took time for me to really start understanding who God really was, and how important His role in my life would be in order for me to experience true deliverance and freedom. In the midst of that, it was really hard to move forward, because I did not have all the answers and did not know what to do. I am so thankful my mother had a strong relationship with God, because she would always pray over me as well as encourage me to get into God’s word. If not for that, I do not know where I would be. It was my only hope. 

None of the above limited God from intervening, though. He is still God and knows how to handle our issues, despite our knowledge about Him and His word, which is reassuring. He meets us where we are. Though He did not fully deliver me, he gradually made me stronger and closer to Him. As every year passed, specifically in high school, I felt stronger and more knowledgeable about God and his word, through my different experiences and through getting into His word through sermons and books. This allowed me to continually adjust my mind-set according to what God’s word said about my circumstances. I started to see growth and change in my life, as I adjusted my thinking, towards the end of high school and into college. I had less bad days and more victorious days. I was stepping on the very things that used to crush me— that is nothing but the power of God. Getting to experience God’s peace and presence, as well as getting to know him on a more personal level, calmed my fears, and allowed me to start seeing myself the way that God saw me. 

God dealt with me so calmly, like a loving father would. He was the only one who could truly understand what I was going through, and knew exactly how to take care of me. Though, I felt like a nobody, he treated me like I was everything. There were countless tears and dark nights. I doubted his power sometimes. But, He never gave up on me. He comforted me, kept me, restored me, strengthened me, carried me, encouraged me, and most importantly, LOVED, me, through it all, and is the only reason, I am who I am today.  I do not know HOW, but He always came through, just when I needed Him. 

College is when I really started to see bigger breakthroughs where my confidence and self-value were involved. I started to think bigger and better thoughts of myself according to my identity in Christ, and relied on God’s promises. I really started to see fruit and manifestation. I could be around groups of people in class or outside, and feel confident and at peace. I started to express my unique style. I started to become more comfortable in who God made me to be. It was a turning point and celebratory phase in my life. Though struggles and weaknesses do not instantly disappear and I am still dealing with them, to see growth and breakthrough, is joyful. 

I feel like my weakness is what allowed me to stay dependent on God and is why I am so close to Him, which I am super thankful for. It really was a blessing, though I could not see that back then. It is still an ongoing journey, but I am confident that He will finish what He started in me. He did not bring me this far to leave me. Do not be ashamed of your weakness!!! I really hope this encourages someone. 

I really do not know how to describe my relationship with God. God is so BIG, and the dictionary does not even do him justice. I will try my best.

If I could describe my relationship with God, it is like an escape from this world. The world is no match for the presence of God. Whether I have a good day, or a bad day, my spirit and soul yearn for Him. My worth, my being, my purpose, is all tied to Him. If I for one second, let anything else get my attention, I feel empty. I always find myself running back into His loving embrace, somehow. It is where I get my strength, peace, joy, hope, rest, assurance, confidence, boldness, and everything else I will ever need. The closer I get to Him, the more I realize, He is enough and all I need.

I speak to Him like I speak to a friend, and our bond is very special. I set aside quiet time, every night before bed, where I watch a sermon, worship, and commune with God. It is the best part of my day.

Even as I go through my daily routines, I talk to Him and keep Him in my mind. To know him is a GIFT and PRIVILEGE. 

I will continue to share Him and my story in hopes that others will want to run to Him too, even if it is uncomfortable. All I want is for those around me to experience His love and goodness in their lives, as well as form their own personal relationships with Him. God makes the difference, not anything in this world. God is to be praised. God is all that matters. Period. 

❤