SIDE EFFECTS OF BEING A PLANNER

I have come to realize, especially as I have gotten older, that I am a natural planner. I did not realize this until now, and I am twenty-three. During the summer-time, on a FaceTime call with my sister, a light bulb came on for me. She told me, “I feel like you’re not having the time of your life. You’re always inside in that same spot when I feel like you should be meeting me in Brooklyn for happy-hours and experiencing more.”After this Face-time call, I burst into tears. She was completely right. I do desire more experiences and fun times, but I feel like I have always mentally planned for those occurrences to be during a different phase of life, and not my current one. I have always felt as if I needed to be more “this and that,” before I could start living the life I truly want, and that contradicts everything I believe in. I never really confronted these feelings and felt like God was exposing them to me. 

When I talk about planning, it could be planning for outings or hang-outs with friends/family, mentally preparing myself for different opportunities, planning my day out the day prior, or just overall having a guideline to live by in order to preserve a sense of momentum. The only way I could feel secure is by knowing every detail. I am learning that is not a good mentality and I have been victim to it for so long.

I remember having a little disagreement with my mother about getting some chores done around the house before a party/family gathering. My mother is not the best communicator when it comes to telling her children what she may need help with around the house. I always tell her to communicate what she wants done, instead of assuming that we could read her mind. For whatever reason, she was upset that a certain chore did not get done before this party and I remember telling her, “Why didn’t you just write a list of what you wanted me to do the day before so I could plan out my day and do the chores in advance,” instead of rushing last minute. In a nut shell, that sums up my outlook. I like to prepare!

Being a planner helps me keep my priorities in check. If I know I have responsibilities to take care of, I will have to alter my day accordingly, instead of just going with the flow. If I know I have to wake up particularly early the next day, I have to plan my day within a certain time frame, in order for me to get what I need done as well as get enough sleep. I will prepare my outfit and get my bag together the night before. If I have to travel to locations I am not familiar with, I like to look at a map in advance to help me have an idea as to which ways I will need to walk. I set aside time for exercising, prayer, and worship. I make time for my priorities. I understand everyday won’t go as planned, but I like to have structure, so that I am not lost in idleness, which trust me, I know all about.

Here is where it gets messy. Being a planner also means that I am in control. Being in control means that things are going MY way. I am prone to feeling guilty or frustrated when things are not going as planned. I lack spontaneity sometimes because I am always thinking in line of structure. I feel like being a planner limits me from being all that I could be and enjoying life to the fullest. For example, if someone asked me last minute to go somewhere with them(depending on the person and situation,) I would really have to contemplate my answer, and it maybe would not be the quickest, “yes,” because it’s going against my flow. I prefer when plans are made in advance, so that I could make room and prepare for it. But what if this little hang out ended up being the most fun I ever had and completely changed my life??? (I am sure you can insert more examples here).

Most importantly, in my walk of faith, I have come to realize that I cannot be in control all of the time, and trust God simultaneously. God is a God of SUDDENLY’S and I have to be alert for anything to happen at any time. Most of the times where I felt like God was calling me higher or opening a door, I did not feel ready and it was totally unexpected. It always went against my own rationale. 

Bottom line, I may have my plans, but following God is more important. You never know how your day or LIFE is going to end up, when you surrender it to God. Recently, I have been just easier on myself, and allowing God to direct me, because I do not want to miss out on so many great opportunities and experiences, because it is not happening in the way in which I pictured or planned it. 

I am learning to release control to the One who knows best. It is not easy, but I know it is much more rewarding and worth it. Learning to release my plans has been very liberating because my worth is not tied to it, and it brings me closer to God. Our lives belong to God, and allowing Him to steer us in what He knows is best for each of us individually instead of doing “what you think you ought to be doing or what someone else told you to do,” is far greater. 

I hope that this helps anyone who may be going through something similar. Be easy on yourself, and stop taking life so seriously. We are here, for a set amount  of time, and I believe God wants us to enjoy the life that He gave us, wherever you are in life. Try to make each moment count and stop limiting the God in you.