WILL YOU SURRENDER???

                            

This is a question I feel like God has been asking me. Where I want to be and where I am now seems so far apart, and sometimes I find myself getting lost in everyday routines and idleness. When you are in a waiting season for a long time, it is tempting to get stuck there, and you have to continually let God’s word renew your mind and spirit to His truth about your circumstance and identity. As written in a prior blog post, I am a natural planner, and feel like I need to check off boxes before feeling qualified enough to do things, but in my walk of faith, I can no longer do that.

I am at a place where I have subtle hints, but do not have all of the answers(don’t think we ever will). There is uncertainty, and though that can be scary, I am learning that it is okay and probably where God wants me to be. Taking each step forward is all I can do.

I had an epiphany in my family’s kitchen. Our kitchen is newly renovated. Construction started around April of 2021. Next to our kitchen was the tv room, which was destroyed, in order to extend the new kitchen. During this time, our dining room and living room was filled with furniture from the kitchen and tv room along with cardboard boxes from packages because the wooden floors for the new kitchen had to be replaced. In the midst of this process, the second floor was very crowded, messy, dusty, and a headache to look at (LOL). On top of that, we had to temporarily transition to the kitchen in the basement, which was a much smaller space. That itself was an adjustment, because as a family, we had to go down an extra flight of steps whether to bring down groceries, cook food, get food, and then go back to wash our dishes and you know the drill.

Additionally, our top floor bathroom was being renovated, so we had to go downstairs to the bathroom and the basement to shower. Lots of stairs!!! At first, it was aggravating. Imagine waking up half-asleep, and having to go downstairs to the bathroom, multiple times. I remember whispering to myself, “I hate this.” The comfort and convenience was gone. Now, we had to adjust to this new method, and after some time, we did. It became normal, and we learned to make do with what we had, knowing that our reward (new kitchen and new bathroom) would be worth the wait. It was tempting to just complain, but what was being done in this time of construction, was much more important than what we were feeling.

Our tv room was a decent size, but nothing fancy. It was rare that all of us as a family would be in there nowadays, unlike in the past. For the most part, there would be one occupant or two, on occasion, since there is a tv in most of our bedrooms. I used to workout in the tv room in the past, but now I do that in my room. It is safe to say that our tv room no longer served a significant purpose, it was just there. Our former kitchen was old-looking and also was just there like a complacent person, not caring about life. My parents were the ones who were ready to make some changes to this space, and bring life to it.

Fast forward to November 2021. Our kitchen was finally completed, and the bathroom was almost done. The kitchen space was not recognizable to me at first glance. I was amazed by the transformation. A few days ago, I was standing in my kitchen around 11pm and it dawned upon me that I was standing in what was our tv room. Where I used to lay back, watch my shows and do my workouts, now stood this large pantry. The same space where sometimes on Thanksgiving, there was a table that me and my cousins would eat, and shared so many memories, is now part of a new design for this kitchen. The island and cupboards are bigger, nicer, and much better than the old ones. The floors are no longer dirty or squeaky, but smooth and delicate. The stove is much bigger and has so many cool, beneficial effects. The lights are vibrant and aesthetically pleasing. There is a television that definitely gets a lot of use. And there is a dish-washer(LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN)!! The overall quality of our new kitchen is just BETTER. The same space we used to neglect sometimes, is now much more useful and a delight to be in.

I say all of this to say, if I could go back five years, I never would have thought our kitchen would be looking the way it looks now. I never could have imagined it, because maybe I was okay with the way the kitchen or tv room looked or did not care enough. I was okay with the bare minimum or mediocrity. When my parents would talk about these renovations, I was interested, but not jumping with enthusiasm or joy. But now, looking at the final result, I am so overjoyed. The adjustments, waiting, and construction was all worth it.

    Translating this to life, I think sometimes we get complacent and small-minded about our lives. It may be because we have been waiting for a while and things haven’t been changing. Maybe it is hard for us to see a way out of what we may be going through. As a result, we settle, and never rise above our circumstances. But standing in my family’s new kitchen, I felt like God was telling me that He could do so much through me, if I would just let go of my small-minded thoughts, and surrender my whole life to Him. By surrender I mean, surrendering my desires, comfort, time, thoughts, and honestly everything. In the same way, that my old kitchen and tv room was becoming lifeless and useless, then suddenly refined, fruitful, more effective, and brand new, after some construction, adjustments, and time is what I believe God wants to do through us, if we would just lay up our plans for His. He is a BIG God, His thoughts are above our thoughts, and His ways are above our ways. We may not always understand why things happen the way that they do, and maybe they do not feel as glamorous as we’d like, but God is always working up something bigger and better than we can physically see. The bible verse, Isaiah 43:18-19, comes to mind, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?”

 I do not want to get to the end of my life, and see that I’ve missed out on what God wanted to do through my life because of complacency, small-mindedness, ignorance, or disobedience. God knows how to get us to a place where our lives are effective to His kingdom, fruitful and overflowing, but you have to want it for yourself, too. You have to fully commit to his process and way. You may wake up one day and not even recognize yourself, because you let God have his way.

    If there is anything you get out of this piece, please get this: start thinking bigger and better, start dreaming bigger, start expecting more, because that is what God desires/has for you: BIGGER! ❤