LEARN ABOUT YOU, ENJOY YOU, EMBRACE YOU

For many years, I did not like myself. In fact, I am still dealing with the repercussions. I was unaware of how much of my past still affected me to this day. I was just going through life, nonchalantly, as if nothing happened to me.

To go a little more in detail about my past, which I have mentioned in other posts, I had terrible social anxiety, insecurities, and very low self-esteem, specifically during my teenager phase (middle school into high school). It was depressing. I did not like to be looked at and was super paranoid, did not like to be around people and if I was, I’d get very tense, shy, and anxious. When people would stare at me, it was triggering. I would also get very bitter, angry, envious of others, and was such a mess. I attributed my whole worth to others’ opinion of me. It was like a gray cloud hovering over me, preventing me from living life to the fullest. Man, I cried so much, and hated it.

Recently, during my late night prayer, I just closed my eyes, and was silent. My mind transported back to all of the painful memories of my past. The memories I have not reconciled with nor greeted.

It’s like I had forgotten the tears, affliction, and misery.

Warm tears streamed down my face as I remembered, “what was.” They were not tears of mourning nor pain, but tears of gratitude and remembrance.

LET ME BRAG ABOUT GOD. He has transformed my life in ways I can’t explain, with His love, peace, joy, security, and very BEING. Little by little, He has made me stronger, wiser, and better, through knowledge of His word and my experiences. He is my safety in this dark world, and having that sense of security allows me to live the life He has given me with confidence, even during my darkest moments. His security and love assures me that I am enough in Him. His peace allows me to go through my day without being bombarded with worry, anxiety, and fear. I MEAN, ONLY GOD COULD DO THAT. I am so much more loving and gracious towards others because of His love, I am full of joy for no reason, I am gentler on myself, I am tapping into my own individual authority, I’m doing things I said I’d never do, like MAN!!!!!! Most importantly, I AM LOVING MYSELF MORE. This is why I am so passionate about God. HE DID THAT. I am not the same person I was, and I will be forever thankful for how far He has brought me. You would not even recognize me if you only remembered the “past me.” If not for those struggles, I would not be the person I am, and to see how He still could use that pain, and turn it into such a beautiful story, AMAZES ME!!!!!

While praying, I just felt God telling me that there was still work to be done, battles to fight, behaviors to unlearn, and obstacles to confront. It’s time to confront the areas I have avoided. It’s time to grow and change for the better, and not just stay complacent because it feels good. It’s time to FIGHT, and TAKE BACK WHAT THE ENEMY STOLE. It’s time.

I can honestly say, though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been, flaws and all. I am starting to accept myself more, embrace myself, and just enjoy myself. To know that I’ve been made with purpose, intention, a unique design, and chosen from the God who created the universe by speaking is enough to make me happy. I’m so excited to keep growing and becoming. It took me a very long time to get to this place, and I feel that it is worthy of celebrating and acknowledging.

I question myself more: Why am I the way I am? Is some of my childhood- adolescence mind-sets still affecting me? What habits and qualities are hindering me? What do I like about myself? How can I be more in touch with my feelings and emotions? I’ve just been digging a little deeper with the famous question: WHO AM I????? And I’ve been loving every second of it. I encourage you to do the same. If you do not ask these questions, you will go through life, powerless, not knowing your true value and potential. If you are not in touch with yourself, you would never be able to be in touch with others. IT IS SO IMPORTANT FOR US TO DO! IT IS WHERE YOUR POWER LIES!

God imagined you, chose you, breathed life into you, made you so intricately and beautifully, with grace, a divine purpose, and love: if that doesn’t get you excited, what else will?! He knows the smallest details about you that you probably would never even notice. He LOVES you so much, I mean, HE IS LOVE! He has an amazing plan for your life, and knows you more than you’ll ever know yourself. He is intentional, very careful about his creation, majestic, all powerful, and every good word in the dictionary. I mean, HE’S EVERYTHING. There’s no YOU without HIM.

Get to know God, and you will learn so much more about yourself, and go on one of the best journeys of your life. I am a witness.